It is okay if your current spot in life does not make sense.
That's what I have been trying to do my whole life, and even more so these past five years that I have struggled with my health; trying to make sense of where I am. Trying to make sense of my emotions during it all.
I never gave myself time to just sit in it, to cry in it, to feel a bit hurt by it. I felt ashamed to feel that way and felt ashamed that I was sick and couldn’t figure my life out well enough to balance it all healthily.
It has been a constant battle, friends, and I am tired. My most recent health issues had me in that same spot, but this time I was in deeper. In a darker place of frustration.
I have heard the Lord saying to me, “It's okay to fall apart, dear child, I have you.” I have this vision in my head of me just leaning into his lap and arms and it's okay.
I can be faithful and still struggle. I can be frustrated and still happy. It is what I do with those actions that make the difference. Do I act on them or give them to Jesus? This is what it really means to give it to Jesus. He is the only one that truly knows our hearts and can heal them, too.
I just need you to hear me, sister. If you don’t have a relationship with Jesus and if you are in a dark place… run. Don’t walk, run! To Jesus. Find Him and build a relationship with Him.
Find those people who pray you through these things and who love you. I am so blessed to have my husband and a solid wall of prayer warriors, praying over me when I call on them.
This life and this world, goodness it is hard. It is weary. But the rainbow after the storm is always so worth it, isn’t it? Let's run this race set before us no matter how difficult.
Love you, sis, and never forget the One who loved you first. He is there to catch you and help you to the finish line.
Love
Anna