Hello, hello! I’m Terra, owner and artist of Wild Goat Design in Parker, SD. Apart from painting globes and signs and all the things, I’m a big fan of the enneagram. I’m excited for Enneagram March in The White Poppy Lovelies VIP Group where I’ll be going through all the different things related to the topic.
Here I wanted to chat about my own journey with the enneagram! It has been a tool for my mental, emotional, physical, spiritual health and my relationships, especially my marriage.
I stumbled upon the enneagram a few years ago. I can’t remember the exact moment. It was something I heard mentioned a few times, and my interest was piqued.
I can remember the moment I was reading one of the books I had gotten, and I knew. I knew I was a 4, the romantic or individualist. It resonated with my heart, but not in the “oh yeah, I’m really good at that” sort of way that some personality typing systems tend to go. But instead it was the line that said something along the lines that 4s often grow up feeling shame, feeling like something essential that everyone else has inside them is somehow missing in them, making them inadequate and “less-than.”
Ugh. Painfully deep, right!?
but it helped make sense of the feeling I had felt all growing up. Never quite feeling right, like the shape in Shel Silverstein’s The Missing Piece poem.
Now before I go too far, the Lord makes me complete. Only He can make me whole. I do believe however that the enneagram can be a tool used to help us grow and to love ourselves and others well.
So back to feeling like a shape with a missing piece!
The enneagram gave me a way to understand and verbalize, to process my emotional nature and insecurities. It also showed me the unhealthy tendencies that hurt my relationships and loved ones.
Suddenly, it made sense that I was more emotional because I operated out of my heart. It made sense why I have struggled with depression for my entire life. I easily neglect my body. I have to be reminded to drink water and eat food. When I start feeling on the abyss of a deep depressing spiral, I just need to ask myself: Terra, have you drank any water today? When was the last time you ate? Have you gotten any sunshine today? Because sometimes I’m not really sad, I’m just hungry. But I need to be intentional remembering to check in with my body.
I also have to remember that not everyone is in their emotions as intensely as I am. Not everyone wants to have a deep, emotionally charged conversation about their past trauma or deepest darkest secrets.
In that vein, it’s been AMAZING for my marriage. Now, we’re still a regular married couple figuring life out with another human. But my husband is a 5. Now if you know the enneagram, you can imagine why a 4 and a 5 could be an interesting pairing. If you’re new to it, here’s a little explanation.
4s are probably the most emotional number of the enneagram. They’re the artistic, creatives wanting you to live your authentic unique life. 5s are the thinkers. The observers who need time to process how they feel, how they THINK about feeling. If I am functioning out of my heart, they’re functioning out of their head. They’re the introverts who are content just watching rather than engaging.
When I come at my husband with all my emotions and tears, he panics. He freezes up. Like literally, he will freeze, turn, and leave the room without a word. Using the enneagram helped us have compassion for one another. I can try to be loving by intentionally reigning my emotions back, giving him time in advance to know what I want to discuss and rationally explain why I feel a certain way. Likewise, he can be more loving by facing his desire to run away when I overwhelm by simply remaining. Learning to try to process with me in real time, and talking about his emotions? Ooooooooooh yeah, that’s the good stuff.
But like all things, it takes intentionality. But it’s a glorious journey to be on!
I hope you find the info in the group beneficial this month, and you also find it a great tool for growth!